You’ve been there. All climbers have been there.
You’ve been working a project, and you’ve made a ton of progress in the last few trips to the crag. You are feeling close to a send. You wake up each morning and immediately start to visualize the route. You’re doing drop knees on the gas pedal during your morning commute. Your boss catches you miming the movement at your desk. You fall asleep thinking about the beta.
On your big day, you hike up to the crag, full of anticipation of your triumph. You get fully warmed up, you’re feeling strong, and the conditions are perfect. This is it. You’re moments away. Victory is almost guaranteed.
You flail like a newborn giraffe.
How could you have regressed so much? You question whether you slept enough the night before. Whether you ate poorly. Whether you rested enough. Whether you rested too much. Whether you’re too old and this is the beginning of the long slow deterioration of your abilities. Whether you should just quit climbing altogether.
It was a beautiful day at the crag — no work, no responsibilities, hanging with friends, doing the sport that you love. Instead of having a great day, you’re in a downward spiral.
I had a similar setback in my recovery this week. I had a follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon, and was fully expecting to be able to walk out of his office on crutches. I dreamed about being upright. I visualized my first steps, which would most likely transition quickly into some slick dance moves.
On my big day, I confidently rolled my wheelchair into the waiting area, into the examination room, then in to get x-rays. If there is such a thing as wheelchair swagger, I had it. This was my moment.
Then I was spiritually depantsed.
After reviewing the x-rays, my surgeon casually walked into my room and, in between comments about the weather, nonchalantly made the side note that I’d have at least 6 more weeks in the wheelchair. My hopes and dreams of #crutchlife were dashed.
Why didn’t I heal faster? Did I not eat well enough? Did I sleep too little? Did I sleep too much? Maybe I’m too old to recover. Maybe I’ll just sit in this wheelchair and in this hotel room for the rest of my life.
The thing about regression on a project is that you still went up there and tried. And that means you actually made progress on the route. You further trained your nervous system for those specific moves. You solidified your beta. And maybe because of your feeling weak, you found a little bit of micro beta to make a move or two easier. Sure, you feel terrible about your day, but you made both physical and mental progress. Your failure today makes you stronger tomorrow.
And hey, a day outside with friends isn’t so bad.
And the thing is, even though I had a bad office visit, it’s not like my bones are worse off because of it. I am still healing, I am still one day closer to being fully recovered. And maybe because of this this longer timeline, my bones will be stronger when it’s time to walk again. My regression today will make me stronger tomorrow.
And hey, a few more weeks in this hotel with Jackie isn’t so bad.
This Week’s Happenings:
Besides the bad news about my recovery, I did get my braces and casts off. And several friends came over and brought good food and better company. I also got to do a kinda-sorta pull up out of my wheelchair at a playground. I even got to record a podcast, Clipping Chains, which will air in the next few weeks. Hoping the coming weeks are just as fun :)
